Online dating advices: With 40 million Americans now using online dating services, the chances of finding love online are higher than ever. However, to make the most of this, you need to know how to play the game, which is where our online dating tips can help.
One reason I’ve been passive about online dating: Most of the guys have been a little conservative for my taste. (When you’re a black woman in your 40s, why do all your matches look like George Jefferson?) Hoffman says the algorithm, like a boyfriend, can’t read my mind; I need to message and “like” guys I find appealing if I want to start seeing similar people in my results. Plus, being more active should bump my profile toward the top, so I’ll be more visible.
On the Internet, it’s easy to feel nitpicky and maintain high expectations. With apps like Tinder, you snap-judge users as if you were scrolling Amazon for the best pair of speakers. This sense of being in the driver’s seat, of choosing, can be appealing. It makes you feel powerful. Fight it. If what you want is a real connection — a relationship with a person you hope to love and who will love you — you will have to bring your most mature and empathetic self to the project. That means not saying, “Eh, she’s cute — but I prefer brunettes to blondes. Next!” You’d never behave this way in person, so don’t do it online.
Be proactive. You don’t have to write someone an epic love letter (please don’t) – just pick out a couple of appealing points in their bio and write a quick intro message. Likewise, you won’t “keep them keen” by making them wait days for a reply. They’ll find someone else to date. Time moves fast in online dating. Some rookies assume that they must answer every email, even if it’s “thanks, but no thanks”. Don’t bother. “Thanks but no thanks” can feel more hurtful than no reply. See extra details on online dating right here.
“Try to meet face to face ASAP, or if that isn’t possible, at least have a phone or FaceTime call. You’ll never know if you have real chemistry until you actually meet in person. You’ll save yourself a lot of time, energy, and emotional investment by doing this, because you could be texting somebody for months before realizing you don’t connect in real life. Also, by insisting on meeting as soon as possible, you’ll know if the other person is genuine and looking for the same thing as you, or if they’re just a time-waster.” —Lucy Rowett, sex, intimacy, and relationship coach.
